Monday, October 20, 2008

Things Women Don't Know...

I found this great thread while surfing Football365.com

Some would say it's sexist, others would say its stereotypical. some would say it's tongue-in-cheek, others would swear it's true, but at the end of the day it makes you laugh.

At least I did anyway.

Check out some gems:

Things Women Don't Know...

...how to read maps despite having an A level in geography . (hairymac) (How true...)

...That their muffled screams only turn me on even more. (Professor O 'Rye) (Heh Heh)

...I know a girl who thought the past tense of Squeeze was "Squoze".

And she's a journalist.

Also a different female journo I know couldn't point to Australia on a map Confused (bigmouth)

...I was in a pub once and arguing with my friend saying that I considered Maradonna's goal against England to be the best in any World Cup and a (hot) Argentinian girl came up and hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek (Bananinho) (ZOMG!)

...that you don't have to support one of the teams playing to enjoy watching a game of football (frvegar) (Why can't women understand this eh???)

...My ex didn't know whether the earth revolved around the sun or the sun around the earth. She spent an hour debating this with her flat mate Confused (electrodent)

...How to be reasonable. Or rational. (Willy Mouse)

Conversation about the Twin Towers the other day.


Girl: "See when people were jumping out the windows of the Twin Towers? How did they get the windows open? Cos they wouldn't be able to open them that high - they'd be locked"
Me: "Yeah, but chuck a desk chair at them hard enough they'd break"
Girl: "No they wouldn't, what if they were perspex?"
Me: "Granted, they'd be harder to smash, but chuck something heavy at them hard enough and they'd break"
Girl: "Doesn't matter anyway, if they broke a window near the top of the Twin Towers, they'd be vaccumed out, like on planes" EH? (The Dazzler)

...While dscussing Bullseye the TV programme:

My gf: Is that the one with the hippo on it?

Her mate: yes, that's right.

Me and my mate: Confused no, it's a bull, hence the title and the f**king big horns on it!! (Merson's bookie)

I remember watching The Godfather with an ex before, and there's that bit where Michael talks Italian to Solozzo but there's no subtitles, now I don't look like an Italian major, and wouldn't have a clue what they're saying, and being my gf at the time she'd know that, but still she turns to me and goes "What they saying??" me: "I don't know, I'm not fluent in Italian!" Confused Confused Confused (the neck of tevez)

...The offside rule. Don't ask me every f***ing game, i've already explained it 4324234 times Mad (Egon Spengler) (HOW TRUE IS THAT!)

A girl I worked with didn't know that no matter how much music you put on an MP3 player, it would still weigh the same (ramit and jamit)

...They don't understand Teletext.
...They don't know why Soccer Saturday is so entertaining.
...They don't know that we don't tab our willies with paper after a wee, a lot have no knowledge of the shake and wiggle (urm...)
...They cannot get into their heads that sometimes we would rather watch football in a pub with strangers than sit snuggling on the settee stroking their hair and watching Strictly Come Dancing
...They don't understand how sh*te shopping for furniture is, yes dear that's a lovely throw Confused
...And they certainly don't get that whistling for pleasure really is enjoyable. (Grimandinho)

...I read a woman's magazine the other day, and in it they mentioned that "43% of all men masturbate at least once a week". As if this was a shocking and new discovery.

Rolling Eyes if only they knew I beat off three times a day, everyday. (the neck of tevez) (Wasn't me.)

...My older sister, who is a teacher, didn't know what a torso was Spaz
and she teaches biology Rolling Eyes (csafc)

...they don't understand the joys of a great big, 20-second long pitch bending fart (ridderz) (Hmmm)

Similar vein.

When the iPhone first came out I showed my gf it on the computer. I explained what it did and how it was touch screen and you scroll through your messages, music, contacts etc. anyway she proceeded to start tapping the picture of the iPhone on my computer screen thinking somehow it would work. I was actually speechless. (Ringo's Drumstick)

...that I spend most nights searching for that one perfect porn scene Wink (veebo) (DEFINITELY doesn't apply to me)

...My missus won't accept the fact that the stars are actually distant suns. She has a masters degree in education. (FatboyTim)

...My ex thinking Brazil was the capital of Spain and her mate calling her an idiot and saying Brazil is in Asia.

My head just went down when they were arguing about that (Leighton)

...doing a conference call once and had to get the participants to login to a website - anyway gave them the details and the access number (to the website) when I heard a 'beep' in my ear and then some woman say it wasn't working. asked her to try it again with the same results - cue a couple of seconds of stunned silence before I go 'are you pressing the keys on your phone rather than typing the number on your keyboard?'


colleagues fall about laughing (Bananinho)


That cricket is played outdoors in hot countries.


Watching the tv and ad for Sky sports winter of cricket comes on...


Doris: "How can they play cricket in the winter?"

Boris: "They play in other countries, like India, West Indies"

Doris: "What indoors?"

Boris: Laughing Spaz (PabloHoney)


...That I don't exist purely for the purpose of telling them they aren't fat Mad (training slave) (Women just don't get THIS do they)


Have Fun! =)

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